What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

I will be 64.

How is bestiality wrong, but killing animals for sport or trophies is considered okay?

This is how, and why children get BPD.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

Is it ethical for same-sex couples to raise children?

But it wasn’t much.

I was 9 years of age.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

Why are Republican politicians so afraid to oppose Trump?

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

So whats the point in blame.

The only rule us 5 kids had .

What is your age now, and what age do you prefer to stay at forever?

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

What has been your best sexual experience?

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

She found it foreign!.

Why do people smoke?

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

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You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t

I was seconnd youngest,

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So, i spoilt her more .

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

Ive learnt so much.

Why do I feel bad when I see white girls dating black guys, am I racist?

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

I did it because my mum asked me too!

Can you share some of your favorite jokes that are not well-known but always make people laugh?

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

He was dying to do it , i knew.

When she asked me how she looked .

I have no regrets .

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

I waited trembling.

She loved him until the end.

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

I couldn’t, believe it.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

Especially a lifetime of it.

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

Was to survive, this bastard.

I write beautiful poetry .

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

Who then, do I blame.?

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

I said to her

She was in good health!

We were not on the streets..

I had hoped to write a book about this .

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

I know ,a lot about trauma.

He resisted the act ,that day.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

He knew the spot.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

This is soul school!.

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

Comes on , in middle age.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

My mum and dad in the seventies!

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

On the 31st of Jan this month .

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

We all went to grammer schools

I was very sick at this time too.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

Would this be the day?

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

I don,t even have a pension.

Put me off passion for life!!

My life is so biszare .

She wouldn,t have been !

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

I think the readers, may guess!

Im dying but, im not bitter.

Im still living with it.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

I never cut or harmed myself..

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

I could never make a relationship work though!

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

But, we were locked up after school.

What did i know ?

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

As i do to all so called friends.?

She married twice! .

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

My family never makes their pension either.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

(And it was in our own minds.)

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

It was going to be , some day.

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

One cannot live in the past .

But ive been too sick for many years..

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

And i lived it daily.

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

All the time i was locked up.

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

Why did i forgive my father ?

I was scared of men, in general

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

Where the ultimate outsiders.

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.